He forcefully suppressed the urge to burst out laughing, picked up a stone as his pen, and continued to write furiously, “I am not a master, my surname is Peter Bolton. Many thanks to Brother Brooks for your righteous help!”

“Not a master? Brother Bolton’s hair?” Brian Brooks struggled for quite a while, half-guessing and half-deciphering, before he managed to figure out what Peter Bolton had written. After some thought, he slowly responded in traditional characters. “I spoke out of turn, Brother Bolton, please forgive me. There’s no need for such courtesy, I arrived too late to be of any help, I dare not take any credit!”

“May I ask Brother Brooks, where is this place?” Peter Bolton’s ability to recognize traditional characters was far superior to Brian Brooks’s ability to read simplified ones. As soon as the other finished writing, he immediately steered the conversation back to the topic he urgently needed to know.

“This place, of course, is Shanyin Township. Has Brother Bolton perhaps lost his way?” Because the content was short, Brian Brooks recognized it quickly and answered just as fast. (Note 2)

“Shanyin Township? Does ‘Shanyin’ mean the north side of the mountain? I have indeed lost my way and have no idea where I am right now!” Learning from his previous experience, Peter Bolton tried to keep his sentences short and to imitate the classical Chinese he had studied.

“Shanyin certainly means the north of the mountain! Actually, the roads here are easy to find. Brother Bolton, if you head east for three or four hundred steps, you’ll see the mountain gate of Xiangji Temple! The Ziwu Road is right below the gate. If you walk to the middle of the road, you’ll be able to see Chang’an!” The words written by Peter Bolton left Brian Brooks completely confused, and his own handwriting became noticeably sloppy.

“Xiangji Temple? How is that possible?! Oh heavens, have you not had enough fun with me?!” Peter Bolton shouted as he stood up, looking around in utter disbelief!

After all this traveling, he was still right next to Xiangji Temple!

This was exactly where Chang’an University Town (Xi’an South University Town) was located!

Heavens, you might as well strike me down with lightning!

Note 1: Variant characters, i.e., simplified characters. Since the Wei and Jin dynasties, people have informally simplified some characters for easier writing.

Note 2: “Lost the way” means to get lost.

Note 3: Xiangji Temple was built in the early Tang dynasty, and the terrain was relatively elevated at the time. The temple was also quite grand in scale, making it a prominent landmark in ancient times.

Chapter Five: Slapping Therapy for Phlegm-Obstructed Mind—A Folk Remedy

“Brother Bolton, Brother Bolton, you #￥@￥! (Brother Bolton, what’s wrong with you?)”

“Sorry! Sorry! (Master)”

“Sorry #￥&! (The master is having an episode)”

“Alas! Sorry #@￥％... (The master has fallen ill)”

……

Peter Bolton’s wild actions gave everyone a huge fright. Brian Brooks and the cloth-headband men reached out to steady him, shaking him vigorously.

His mind, pulled back from the chaos of the heavens by the noisy voices, Peter Bolton looked around with tear-filled eyes. Immediately, he felt a surge of drunkenness, the world spinning. Instinctively, he hugged his head with both hands and slumped down weakly!

The blows he had suffered today were too many, too sudden, and far too heavy—far beyond what his mind could bear!

Back in the day, the reason Peter Bolton chose to apply to Shaanxi Normal University, despite scoring a full thirty points above the first-tier cutoff, was partly because the teaching major offered tuition waivers, and partly because the university’s new campus was located in Chang’an University Town, not far from Zhongnan Mountain.

Who would have thought that after enrolling, he’d learn the meaning of “the mountain is visible but unreachable.” Chang’an University Town claimed to be backed by Zhongnan Mountain, but in reality, it was a full hour and a half’s drive away! On the other hand, the famous Xiangji Temple was right next to the university town. You could practically fart and hit it after leaving campus!

And just now, Brian Brooks had told him that he was currently near Xiangji Temple! On the north side of some mountain!

Wasn’t this exactly the same location as Chang’an University Town?

So after all this traveling, he was actually still in the same place—only the time had shifted forward by several hundred, or even a thousand years?!

Have you ever seen how mischievous kids torment insects?

They find a glass bottle that once held Coke or Sprite, smear a thin layer of sesame oil around the mouth, fill it two-thirds with cold water, and place it upright in the sun.

Before long, greedy insects, lured by the scent of the oil, come flying over and crawl around the bottle’s mouth.

Then, insects keep slipping and falling into the bottle, struggling desperately in the cold water until they drown.

Right now, Peter Bolton felt like one of those unlucky insects. Just because he glanced at his phone a few times while walking, he’d fallen into a trap set by the mischievous kid that was fate.

And now, trying to climb out of the bottle and fly free again was as hard as reaching the sky!

“William Brooks, what’s wrong with the master?”

“William Brooks, hurry and check on Brother Zhang, what’s wrong with him?”

“William Brooks...”

A chorus of anxious voices surrounded Peter Bolton, none of which he could understand. It was Brian Brooks and his cloth-headband men, seeing him clutching his head in pain, feeling pity and urging the “doctor” who had previously applied medicine to his wound to help.

“It’s probably a surge of phlegm due to extreme joy or sorrow! The mind is clouded by phlegm!” The retainer William Brooks, wearing a blue round cap, pressed on Peter Bolton’s neck and spoke in a low voice that the latter couldn’t understand.

“Extreme joy or sorrow? Why would the master be sad?! Didn’t he kill all the wolves? If we wanted to steal his wolf pelts, we would have done it already—why wait until now?” A cloth-headband man with a full beard glanced at Peter Bolton and expressed deep doubt about William Brooks’s medical skills.