Chapter 1: Bizarre! An Unknown Naked Man Choked to Death by Tofu!

At Guangzhou Baiyun Airport, the crowd surged and bustled. People of all skin colors, men and women, young and old, all moved slowly with the flow toward the airport entrance. Standing tall and well-built, with striking good looks, Henry Clark was sweating profusely as he squeezed through the crowd, drawing plenty of glares and curses. Henry Clark paid them no mind, grinning to reveal a set of healthy white teeth that stood out in sharp contrast to his sun-darkened skin, tanned nearly black by the African sun.

He turned a deaf ear to the scorn and sharp tongues, continuing to weave through the crowd like a nimble fish. “Damn you, why are you pushing? In a hurry to die or what?” A fat man with a green dragon tattoo, whom Henry Clark had just bumped into, flew into a rage and shouted at him.

Having finally broken free from the crowd, Henry Clark took a deep breath of the familiar air, then turned back to flash a wicked grin and flip the bird at the loudmouthed guy: “I don’t have time to die—I came back to China just to donate my seed. Want some?”

Petrified. The crowd that had just surged to the airport entrance was collectively stunned by their exchange. A blond, bespectacled Western man kept making the sign of the cross on his chest, exclaiming in broken Chinese, “Oh my God, I never imagined Chinese people would be so bold in their courtship.”

The crowd, frozen in shock, was left reeling by the foreigner’s comment. The dragon-tattooed fat man nearly exploded with rage. “Screw your international friend crap! I’m not gay!”

“Gay? You? HYA%#·%#……” The blond man was completely confused, staring at the fat man whose face was flushed with anger, eyes wide, and fat trembling. He muttered a string of foreign words, and when the fat man didn’t respond, he tried again. Clearly, this Western guy didn’t understand the richness of the Chinese language, where every object has a variety of colorful names. But his mistake was trying to bamboozle a Chinese gangster with foreign words.

The dragon-tattooed fat man, seeing stars, was seething inside. He shook his flabby body and shouted, “Damn you, you foreign bastard! Trying to play dumb with me? If I don’t show you Eight-Nation Alliance brats what Chinese kung fu is, I’m not yellow! Foshan Shadowless Hand, take this—”

While chaos reigned at the entrance of Guangzhou Baiyun Chicken—oops, Baiyun Airport, with chickens flying and dogs jumping, the true culprit behind this international incident, Henry Clark, was already sitting in a taxi, urging the driver to go faster.

……

Looking at the lush greenery lining the avenue, the white clouds dotting the blue sky, and the slightly humid air filling his lungs, Henry Clark couldn’t help but sigh with deep emotion, “There’s no place like home. The air is so fresh, the trees so green, even the girls are so beautiful.” His words startled the taxi driver, who kept glancing at Henry Clark in the passenger seat, muttering to himself, Is this guy nuts? Reciting poetry in my cab? Come on, that plump auntie who just crossed the street must be at least forty, and he calls her beautiful? What kind of person is this?

This guy’s taste must be off. In his eyes, even a double-eyelid sow would be a beauty, the taxi driver thought maliciously.

At this moment, Henry Clark, who saw every woman as more beautiful than a double-eyelid sow, ignored the driver’s disdainful looks, lost in his own thoughts. A whole year—he’d spent an entire year in Africa. Nothing but desolation, endless desolation. The sight of countless flat-nosed, buck-toothed, coal-black African girls dancing topless in the streets with AKs still lingered in his mind. After a year of war, Henry Clark’s nerves had become incredibly tough. He could lounge by the bed, sipping tea and chatting online with his buddies from Iron Blood Forum and the Light Weapons Club, even as gunfire thundered outside. He could don a helmet and bulletproof vest, and, amid the chaos of the front lines, demonstrate and maintain new weapons for government soldiers, teaching them how to mix explosives and propellants from raw materials, and how to reload bullets to win their friendship. He even found time to volunteer as an on-the-spot translator for a doctor performing an amputation, translating Chinese instructions for medical instruments.