“I... what the...!? Where did you get that phrase, dear brother? How come I’ve never...” The talented and accomplished Edward Lincoln lifted the carriage curtain, took a few deep breaths, and finally managed not to throw up in the carriage. He asked me back, very politely. It seemed Edward Lincoln had good upbringing, almost reaching the level of remaining calm even if Mount Tai collapsed before him. Unfortunately, he met me. I stayed silent, motionless, kept my expression, grabbed Handsome Lincoln’s hand, and looked at him sincerely, with a touch of sorrow, as if I were Yang Naiwu looking at his little cabbage. At last, Handsome Lincoln couldn’t take it anymore. Little Loli couldn’t hold it either, and, ignoring all princessly decorum, clutched her belly and doubled over with laughter on the thickly carpeted carriage floor.

“So...” Edward Lincoln struggled desperately to pull his hand back, shot me a resentful sideways glance, and said, “Today’s expenses at Yunwen Pavilion...”

“Little brother, let me. For Brother William to spare his precious time to visit me, I’m so moved I can hardly contain myself. Of course I should be the one to host Brother William.” Forcing down the pain in my heart, I put on a genuine smile. Ancestors, damn it, Handsome Lincoln isn’t a good guy either.

“No!” Edward Lincoln said solemnly, and Little Loli beside him nodded vigorously. I could even see Little Loli’s drool—was a meal here really that attractive?

“Then... then what about her...” I glanced at the Little Loli next to Edward Lincoln, lowered my voice, and whispered quietly into Edward Lincoln’s ear.

“My seventeenth sister, Emily Lincoln, titled Hepu...” Edward Lincoln replied with a mischievous grin. I was stunned. Buddha, am I that butterfly in Colombia? Did one flap of my wings just sweep away Princess Gaoyang? Ancestors, damn, this feels great. Wahahaha...

“Are you sure?” I wasn’t too confident, afraid this handsome guy was tricking me. Hepu pearls? I sneaked a look at Little Loli’s face—well, it was acceptable. There seemed to be a few barely noticeable freckles, not as big as Hepu pearls. Instead, they made Little Loli look even more innocent and adorable, and those dark eyes were even prettier than Hepu pearls... Uncle thoughts were starting up again. I must correct myself. I’m not a creepy uncle. I’ll write it out a hundred times when I get home.

“Dear brother, isn’t your question a bit odd? When have I ever lied to you?” Edward Lincoln looked righteous. Fine, I’ll trust you this once. As a prince, Edward Lincoln’s credibility should be a bit higher than mine.

I was happy, relaxed, almost twitching with excitement. Trying to keep my composure, I still couldn’t suppress my joy. I really wanted to grab Edward Lincoln’s hand and sing “Friends” together. Forget it, I was afraid Handsome Lincoln couldn’t handle my enthusiasm, so I pulled the curtain and took a breath.

“Third brother... is this guy possessed or something?” Little Loli’s whisper somehow made it into my ears.

“Shh... keep it down. My dear brother may not be the brightest, but he’s truly...” Ancestors, damn, is that a compliment or an insult? Whatever, I won’t fuss.

William Brooks was still the most pleasing to the eye, leading the horse beside the carriage. When he saw me poke my head out to look at the scenery, he gave me a simple, honest smile. He was a loyal servant. When passersby saw the tall and burly William Brooks coming their way, they immediately scrambled to get out of the way. Looks like just standing on the street, William Brooks was pretty intimidating. The dark gray servant’s uniform was too ugly. If I designed him a suit and gave him sunglasses, he’d go from loyal servant to Zhongnanhai bodyguard.

“Handsome bro, did Prime Minister Brooks really do that to you?...” Edward Lincoln was embarrassed to say I’d been beaten by the famous minister of the Tang, so he just made a vague gesture, nodded, and sighed, “Yeah... I was unconscious for several days, only woke up yesterday...”

“So it’s true... No wonder I felt you were a bit off today...” Edward Lincoln pointed at me, then at Emily Lincoln, hesitated for a while, but didn’t finish his sentence. He just looked at me with a very sympathetic expression. What’s that about? Did Chris Brooks have something going on with this girl before?

“What are you looking at?...” Emily Lincoln couldn’t withstand my sincere gaze. Blushing with anger, she tried to kick me with her little foot. This girl, looks like a violent loli...

Chapter 4: Surrender and Lose Half?

Edward Lincoln, me, and a Loli—the three of us led the way, charging into Yunwen Pavilion. As soon as we stepped in, “Master Lincoln, Master Brooks, sirs, and this young lady, your esteemed presence brings glory to our humble shop...” The shopkeeper’s chubby face squeezed all his features together, and he bustled over like a busy bee.

It seemed Edward Lincoln and Chris Brooks were regulars here. “Today, Master Brooks is the host...” Edward Lincoln said graciously, waving his hand and pulling Emily Lincoln toward the stairs.

Money? I didn’t bring any. I turned around—ha, loyal servant. “Come here...” I called to William Brooks, who was standing at the door, winking at me like crazy. What, is this some kind of secret signal?

“Second young master...” William Brooks looked like he was about to cry. Was this a shady place? I glanced around—only saw the shopkeeper’s chubby, smiling face, his eyes looking so innocent.

“Is it... really expensive here?...” I put my hand on William Brooks’s shoulder, lowered my voice, and looked around. It was elegant, a hundred times better than those shoddy restaurants in later generations, with a real atmosphere for drinking and reciting poetry.

“Second young master, this is probably the most expensive place in Chang’an. Last time, the jade ruyi you pawned was only enough for one meal here.” His explanation shocked me. Too scary. Am I going to have to sneak home and steal another jade ruyi?