When the Nordic girl pointed her finger at William Harper, almost everyone looked at him with strange eyes. The classmates who had lost out in the competition, the most wretched of the men, all unanimously believed that in the 120 years since Peking University was founded, the title of “most wretched man in history” would forever, gloriously, and firmly rest on this guy’s head, and he wouldn’t be able to shake it off even after graduation.

William Harper had absolutely not expected this move and was completely dumbfounded on the spot!

The Nordic beauty beckoned to him and said softly, “I flew for twenty hours to get to Beijing. I’m so tired and sleepy now, and I don’t know anything about the hotels around here. Can you take me to the best hotel… is that okay?”

You can imagine how chaotic the scene was at that moment.

At least twenty male classmates rushed out to cut in, loudly declaring that they knew the hotels around Peking University even better.

More male classmates thought about it and realized that being too familiar with the hotels near campus didn’t sound like a good reputation, so they all hesitated and didn’t dare step forward. But seeing the Nordic girl’s looks, more than half of them regretted not acting sooner.

William Harper had no idea how he was dragged away or how he left the classroom. He only remembered saying, “I don’t have any money, I can’t afford a hotel!” The Nordic girl replied, “I don’t mind, I’ll pay for the hotel…” Then someone threw a New Balance sneaker at his head, and others threw stinky socks, trying to attack him with chemical weapons. It was only under the girl’s protection that William Harper managed to escape safely.

Of course… William Harper did not sleep with the Nordic girl.

Although she liked to add drama, this girl was only willing to act in romantic art films, not romantic action movies. After leaving the campus, she settled the bill with him, then, in a perfect Beijing accent, said, “See you around!” And they went their separate ways.

From that day on…

No matter how much William Harper explained, swore, and said, “I’m actually still a virgin, still a gentleman, I absolutely did not sleep with a foreign girl, we were both innocent, there’s surveillance at the campus gate as proof…” no one believed him. Even ten years later, when he got married, his wife still held a grudge, feeling she had married a secondhand man who’d been slept with by a foreign vixen!

After such a big scene, his buddy’s relationship with his “ex-BABYGIRL” rekindled. The two rolled around together several times, simulating all kinds of shameful action movies. The double stimulation, both physical and psychological, clearly improved his buddy’s mood. For a while, he even came back to the dorm every day humming songs.

The lyrics went: xipa-pa, xipa-pa, a kiss, then another kiss…

Of course, there are no walls in the world that don’t let the wind through, and the story eventually leaked out. The buddy had already “enjoyed himself to the fullest,” so he didn’t care. But the “ex-BABYGIRL” seemed to have been hit hard, and in the end, she applied to study abroad and never came back.

From then on, the honorary title of “King of Perverts at Peking University,” the “half-king of perverts” in the Computer Science Department, and the “most wretched man in Peking University’s history” all fell, without dispute, squarely on William Harper.

Actually, all these character introductions don’t have much to do with the story that follows. It’s just to prepare the reader for any bottomless, shameless, or beyond-human-brain-cell behavior that William Harper might display.

Don’t say: Don’t! Please don’t do this… Yamete!

Don’t say: Impossible, how could a human do such things? We don’t believe it, this story is just too illogical, we want to report the author for poisoning the readers…

Honestly! Humans really do these things.

And the author really does write these kinds of stories.

Chapter Two: How Did You Tell He Was GAY!

William Harper kept switching his hands back and forth, hundreds of times in a row!

But…

The phone just kept blaring: Not shutting down, not shutting down, I just won’t let you turn me off.

—The screen stayed black!

If that wasn’t enough, the damn phone had also turned the speaker volume up to max, blasting a song called “Let’s Hook Up, Boys!” at full volume!

This song was a new release by the famous internet singer “A Bowl of Thick Rice Porridge.”

William Harper had clicked the link out of curiosity after a friend sent it to him, and then disaster struck! The phone started loudly playing the dirty song and just wouldn’t stop.

He really wished the crappy phone’s battery would die, but this phone, which usually needed a power bank to survive, was especially tough this time. It looped the song for over two hours, and the speaker volume didn’t drop at all.

Especially since he was on his way home from work, in a Beijing subway packed so full it was like sardines in a can, with no space at all. Everyone was looking at him with weird eyes, exchanging glances that said, “Is this some gay club recruiting new members on the subway? What a magical tactic, and how shameless their promoter is!”—that kind of thing.

William Harper took a deep breath, then pretended to be calm and said, “Whose phone is this? If no one claims it, I’ll just leave it on the seat!”